Something different


I begin to realize that I have to change something in my life, and that I have to stop chasing something I can’t have.

There is no sense in chasing after something you lost. Because you already lost it. It will come back, or it won’t. But there is not a thing you can’t change about it. You better try to get you life back together. Because this is a thing you can change.

I’ve written this just a few days ago. Yesterday I wrote a poem about it. That I have to change my life. That I have now finally realized that I have to change something.

eight months of sorrow are now over
I’m released, I’m free
I threw the fucking chains away
I made myself believe
you’re nothing more than a shadow
painted on a concrete floor
like snow you’ll melt away
when the sun comes crawling out

I tried burning you,
but the smoke formed shadows
I tried burying you,
but you found your way out
I searched for answers for so long
now that I found ’em
I know what’s to do
I’ll forget you and every last regret

your presence helped me up
but I was still caged
I was addicted to you
You were my heroine
now I’m sober, now I see
what the signs did really mean
There is no maybe, there is no someday
there is no future left for you and me,

eight months of sorrow are now over
I’m released, I’m free
I threw the fucking chains away
I made myself believe
you’re nothing more than a ghost
haunting my existence
like an old tree you’ll fall
now that your time has come

It’s time for you to go
without a farewell I send you out
just turn around and never come back
you’re no longer part of me
I thought you were different
but the only difference was the way you let me down
the height of the fall
the colour of the knife you used

I don’t see a reason to believe
that anything you said was true
there are no words that you could say
to change the way I feel
you really fucked that one up
and that’s the price you pay
you thought I hold out for you?
I’m sorry, but you’re wrong

eight months of sorrow are now over
I’m released, I’m free
I threw the fucking chains away
I made myself believe
I once said you’re like a flower
untouched and beautiful
but autumn came, and took away your pretty face
what’s left is an ugly inside

You could say I was a bit pissed of. I’m not sure why exactly. But I hope that this is a good sign. There are two lines in this poem that will be my guidance for my future.

There is no maybe, there is no someday
there is no future left for you and me,

This is the way to go for me. I’ll try it and hope that it works. Who knows.

Sebastian

PS: I’ve also written my 80th poem yesterday, so I might make it to 100 ’til the end of the year.

 

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About Sebastian

I am.
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